


Yeah, You are the Bullet Girl

by acaelousqueadcentrum



Category: Rookie Blue
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-23
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-05-03 02:29:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5273153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acaelousqueadcentrum/pseuds/acaelousqueadcentrum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three short chapters inspired by song prompts from ragingscooter. Post-breakup.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. All Blondes are Fantasies

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ragingscooter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ragingscooter/gifts).



What’s love ever done but make you angry.

Left you lost and lonely.

Reminded you of all the things you are not.

Good enough, quiet enough, sweet enough, worthy of its blessings.

~ * ~

So she moves away. So she packs up all her things and sends them to meet her in the city by the bay.

She doesn’t mean anything to you anymore anyway.

Bitch who broke your heart.

Empty house full of memories. A place you thought you could call home.

One night you drive past and the lights are off and the “For Sale” sign is up and you buy dye from the first pharmacy you see.

What was love but a fantasy, you think, watching the chemicals stain your hair dark, watching your blonde turn black.

~ * ~

Maybe you were born this way. Unloveable.

Maybe you were driven to it. Years and tears, trying too hard to live up to dreams that were never yours anyway.

In the end, it doesn’t matter anyway.

You ended up here. You ended up as this: cold eyes and a bullet proof heart.

Cupid’s going to have to up his caliber.

You’re not going down without a fight.


	2. Stumble Into The Light (The Night Was Always There)

You left in the first days of spring, snow still sitting heavy on every roof and yard. Dark and grey and depressing.

Flying out to San Francisco, it was like you were chasing the sun, chasing warmth and life again.

Like Odysseus out from Hades, you left without looking back.

Still, your friends from back home tell you–she turned to salt anyway.

Bitter and hard.

You can’t help but shoulder some of that responsibility.

Some, not all.

~ * ~

The city is beautiful. The bay, the sun, the people.

It’s so different from Toronto. From the sun that always rises and sets too early.

Here, the sun lasts long into the night.

Here, you feel alive again.

~ * ~

You fall in love a few times.

You fall half-way in love, almost in love.

Never all the way.

How could you?

There’s still a piece that’s missing.

There’s still a piece that belongs to her.

A part of you that can’t leave the darkness and the cold behind.

When you realize it, when you realize what’s been holding you back these past few years, you wonder–

Maybe you’ve been Orpheus all along.

Maybe it was inevitable, that you’d turn, that you’d want one last look.


	3. Hello From the Other Side

_You were always going to go back._

_It was just a question of when._

_Of why._

_And even if you lie to everyone else, when the time comes you know the answer is her. Gail._

_Everything else is just an excuse._

~ * ~

You get the message after work, after a long shift of sitting and watching. The kind of work that makes you nervous now, sitting, being still.

Too much time to think.

Too much time to for others to watch, to see everything you’re hiding, all the things you tried to bury.

Secrets and memories–they tend to peek out from behind your sharp edges if you stay in one place for too long.

_{Hello, Gail? It’s me. It’s Holly.}_

You didn’t think you could ache that deeply anymore.

Seven years–isn’t that how long it takes until your body is completely new again, until it builds itself over from the parts of you that are still whole?

~ * ~

_She’s changed._

_Older, obviously. But darker, too. Her blue eyes have gone from the water of the ocean to hard, hard steel._

_She doesn’t trust you anymore, and maybe that’s fair._

_But you don’t trust her either._

_You’re strangers now._

_And that’s the part that hurts the worst._

~ * ~

_{I’m going to be in town, we should get together.}_

You listened to the messages over and over again, until you could hear her voice without flinching.

It took longer than you’re comfortable admitting to yourself.

But you can sit here now, across the table at a restaurant that neither of you have been to before–neutral ground. You can sit and listen, drumming your fingers along the table-top.

You can listen to her tell you all about her life in the States and not want to claw your nails into your palm.

You can listen and not actually do it, anyway. Even though the desire boils just under the tips of your fingers.

Even though the scent of her sparks all those memories you thought you’d buried deep enough away.

~ * ~

_All you can think is that damn, she looks good._

_Even this Gail, even broken and proud of it. Even hard and dangerous._

_You wonder if she was born to wear tragedy like a jewel, to carry a scythe as her scepter._

_She’s Hel, queen of darkness, and you a loyal Persephone, bound to the circle, the cycle. Always returning._

~ * ~

As you stand to walk away, you’re sure of only one thing.

You survived.

You saw her again, and it didn’t break you.

You heard her voice say your name and still, your lungs breathe out, and in.

Maybe this is what time does.

Maybe it builds a bridge.

You could walk out, you know. You could walk out and never look back.

You’ve both said your piece, your goodbyes.

Finally, finally, if you’re ready–if you desire it–you can end that chapter of your life, close the book and move on to the next.

Is that what you want?

~ * ~

_You watch her walk away._

_You’ve always been in love with the sway of her hips, the perfect shape of her ass._

_And if this it–the last moment, the last memory–goddamn it, you’re going to make it last. You’re going to burn her image into your brain. You’re going to watch her walk away this time, watch her leave you behind. And then–_

_And then–_

_She turns._

~ * ~

You turn.

Because it’s over now. The past, the hurt, the anger.

It’s done.

Which means that you can do this–

“Hello.”

~ * ~

_Maybe she’s not Hel and you’re not Odysseus. Or Persephone or Orpheus or any of the gods and goddesses in the stories of old._

_Tragic._

_Destroyers._

_The grim and grievous._

_Maybe you’re just two people. Histories and pasts. Bad timing and second chances._

_You’ll write your own damn story._

_You’ll choose your own ending._

_And looking up at her, watching as she cuts holes into her walls to let you in?_

_You’ve got a feeling–_

_It’s going to be a good one._


End file.
